Survival Guide for the Clueless

I HAD to pass this on.
Guys...please commit to memory.
gals...stop laughing...you know it's true.

EIGHT WORDS WOMEN USE
Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, THIS MEANS HALF AN HOUR.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
Nothing: Warning! Warning! This is the calm before the storm.
This means something, and you should be on your toes.
NOTE! Arguments that begin with NOTHING usually end in FINE.
Go Ahead:This is a dare, not permission. DON'T DO IT!
Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
That's Okay: THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST DANGEROUS STATEMENTS A WOMAN CAN MAKE TO A MAN. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
Thanks: A woman is thanking you, DO NOT QUESTION, or faint. Just say you're welcome.
This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'...trust me.

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Taxpayers: Choking on Pork

Get out your calculators and burn the numbers 'cause the taxpayer is on the hook: With interest, the Stimulus Package that just went through exceeds 1.6 trillion dollars...and we get the bill! That's $80,000 per household in new taxes to pay for this monstrosity and now we're hit with a staggering budget (do I smell even more taxes?)

It appears our new US president has broken a campaign promise..."NO EARMARKS when I'm President".
...so what's with the over-8,000 earmarks in the stimulus package? Could Double-Speak be back in Washington?
UPDATE: The current administration's deficit spending is ballooning. NOW, a family of 3 owes the federal government $116,155.39 in taxes.

Smile!...you've been porked.

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US Congress: The Tea Party's Over

Looks like the concept of a "smarter administration" is evaporating faster than the last puffs from Louis Carroll's Caterpillar-hookah.
The U.S. economy is in a rabbit hole and, oddly, players in Washington bear a strange resemblance to the inhabitants in Wonderland.
Consider the construction of the Stimulous Package...more about "tea cakes and plum pies" (to the tune of a trillion dollars) than jobs and true recovery.

"...said the Mock Turtle with a sigh, 'I only took the regular course (in school).'
'What was that?' inquired Alice.
'Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with,' the Mock Turtle replied;
'and then the different branches of Arithmetic—AMBITION, DISTRACTION, UGLIFICATION and DERISION.'

Yep! That explains it... our Congressional leaders attended school with the Turtle.

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2009: I Will

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Desiderata, Max Ehrmann, Copyright 1927.


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