I Resolve Not to Resolve

I don't make New Year's resolutions.
At my age, I may not have the time to break them.
Each New Year I make a list of resolutions I have no intention of keeping. That way I'm ahead of the game from the start.

My New Year's Resolutions I Have No Intention of Keeping:

1. I will really, really worry about stuff I can't spell...like flem.
2. I will become a better cook. Is possum "the other white meat"?
3. I will lose 10 lbs. regardless of the fact that I hyper-ventilate when I lose ANYTHING...car keys, eye-glasses. Who knows how I'll react...can't wait to see.
4. I will learn to love and fondly embrace alien life-forms...like tofu.
5. I will learn a useful second language. My first choice is Latin.

Let the New Year begin!

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