Just so you know, I'm doing my level best. I work on my computer by candlelight, fry my bacon using only the sun and buried my car in the backyard. Of course, my houseplants died and my garden is withering...guess they miss all my CO2 emissions...oh well, what's a plant in the greater scheme of things other than a source of oxygen?
And there's STILL global warming?
It's time to get tough and go after the REAL culprits.
There's just too many folks breathing way too much.
Those CO2 emissions have got be curbed!
So, I propose a GASP TAX.
A simple, punitive tax backed up with strong environmental regulations to let these folks know we mean business.
1) Ban all activities that promote "heavy breathing". These include "mating", jogging and Pilate workouts.
2) Next, create a bloated federal agency from which to buy Gasp Tax Credits. If you're really so selfish that you MUST sculpt your abs or run that extra mile, then you should pay.
3) Senior citizens, like me, are exempt from the Gasp Tax but subject to a hefty "methane-emission-tax" on occasion.
I, for one, will set aside a special time each day to hold my breath and meditate on the facts supporting global warming...should be about 2 seconds. It's the least I can do.
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